I Cried During CrossFit

It happened.

Last week, I cried a little bit during CrossFit. 

I went to the evening workout class because I had missed my usual 5:00 a.m. workout. I really didn't feel like going, but I was determined not to cheat myself out of getting a workout.

Before each workout, one of the CrossFit instructors always writes down the workout reps on their big whiteboard. I didn't see pushups or pull-ups listed on the board. I was relieved when the workout didn't look as intense as usual.

Less than five minutes into the workout, I realized I had grossly underestimated the effort that was involved in getting through the reps. There were so. many. reps. Before you think I'm exaggerating, I'm going to try to help you understand. By the end of the workout, we were supposed to have done 120 reps for just one of the activities. 

Halfway through the workout, I was lagging waaaaay behind the others. I decided that I'd be doing well just to make it to the end of the hour, let alone get even close to finishing all of my reps.

Completely out of breath, I stopped to find a second wind. 

My trainer walked up to me. Panting breathlessly, I asked her if I could go get my water bottle. 

She said, "Do you really need water though?" And then she just stood there looking at me.

I was surrounded by a couple other people who were pushing through their reps, literally sweating in pools on the floor. Before I could keep thinking about it, she encouraged me to keep going. 

"You've got this, Meg. One at a time." 

So I pushed out several more reps and looked up at the board. I wasn't even halfway through doing my last set of a total of 90 reps. There was no way this was going to happen. 90 reps, really? Who does that? Who else was even going to finish 90 reps? And they even had me doing the modified version! 

I looked at her again and thought, I can't do this. She really doesn't get it. 

She must have known what I was thinking — I think trainers have super powers to read your mind — and she said, "Come on Meg, you can finish this."  

I didn't believe her and I was bothered that she didn't let me just give up. Was this even humane anymore? 

I decided to stay and try to finish my reps. I thought I would just pass out or be physically unable to finish and then she'd see how wrong she was. And then I would never, ever come back to this place. 

But I was wrong. Five minutes after everyone else had finished, I finally finished my reps. One at a time, the number of my reps slowly climbed. I didn't even pass out. I did it. 

Since then, I have a new attitude toward myself. I have a new respect for myself. I've also noticed completely new levels of strength in my body. 

I'm not afraid of what I can't do anymore. I just want to find out what I can do. 

This isn't the first time I've worked out, but when I started Crossfit I couldn't do a complete pushup. Week after week, I pressed out my pushup reps from my knees. The weeks passed and I kept getting frustrated that I still didn't have the arm or shoulder strength to do a full pushup. But, I kept trying. 

Yesterday I completed my first full pushup. I could hardly believe it. I got so excited that I did 6 more before I reached my limit. I celebrated the heck out of this progress. It's going to take some time before I'm able to get down and press out 25/50/100 pushups, but your girl might just get there. 

In the meantime, I'm going to celebrate every small win along the way. 

When we celebrate any amount of positive progress that we've made, we create a healthy thought pattern in our minds. The next time we're faced with a challenge, we'll be less likely to believe that we're not capable of doing the thing that feels intimidating. 

PRO TIP: there are some things that you don't need to ask permission for. Never ask for water during a workout. *insert laughing emoji* Just get up and go get it. When it comes to your needs, you're responsible for them. Don't hand that power over to someone else. Ask for what you need. Do what you need to do.   

You're in charge of what you accept in life. You're responsible for yourself. Learn to say no. Don't let people talk your value down. Don't give an important answer on the spot — you're allowed to take all the time you need to think about it. You're also allowed to change your mind, but be responsible enough to communicate clearly. Don't let others tell you how you should feel. Train others how to treat you, with grace and love. Love others by loving yourself well.

The real message here is this: You are stronger than you think.

You ARE capable of doing very hard things. 

Leave a comment below to tell everyone about a hard thing you've done recently. Take a moment to celebrate your win.